ME TOO- what
it is and what it is not
In the wake
of the MeToo movement, a whole lot of skeletons are tumbling out of the closet
and one can sense that this big wave is not going to ebb any soon. At least I sure
hope not. We all have our MeToo stories, some more ghastly than others. It took
one voice to come out strong and speak up and the rest followed. It armed a lot
of people, particularly women, with confidence to share their own stories and
call out their perpetrators.
While the
movement continues to gain momentum, there still persists a sense of frivolity
with which many of us seem to be reacting. There are a plethora of jokes and
statements doing its rounds on social media. One of the most appalling and
insensitive one I read was where the writer seemed to imply that MeToo stories
were nothing but ‘sob stories’ from weak women.
Another reaction
to the movement seems to be the apprehension about false allegations. We are
rallying more for a small percentage of accusations that may be false as against
those that are accurate. Furthermore, the ‘accused’ seem to draw a lot more
sympathy. People seem most concerned about the humiliation and disgrace, the accused
and their family will suffer. Somehow the victims do not have the benefit of
the same standing. Their motives are questioned and people are quick to cast
aspersion on them. One of the primary reasons why many choose to stay anonymous
while lodging a complaint.
Many MeToo
stories are dismissed as not being ‘legit’ enough. It seems to imply that
stories have to be more gruesome to qualify. ‘It is not bad unless it is rape.’ This
probably emerges from our regressive mindset that the highest form of disgrace to
anyone is rape. Passing lewd comments, sending obscene pictures, touching
inappropriately all evoke the same anger and chagrin.
To all the
detractors of the MeToo movement a little insight in to what it is not.
One of the
foremost ideas that seem to be circulating around is that it is a gender war, probably
one of the main reasons for the sickening jokes and memes. The movement does
not aim at generalizing that all the men as sexual predators or labeling their
gender as the worse one. This is far from the truth. As a woman and as someone
who experienced her share of butt pinching and groping and unsolicited
comments, I acknowledge and highly appreciate the number of men who stand up
for women and respect them and view them as equals. I am also clearly aware that boys and men also
are subjected to harassment in the hands of other men and women.
It is not
about maligning names of popular personalities or people in power. Sexual harassment doesn’t take place only in
certain professions. The bitter truth of the fact is that it happens everywhere.
It happens in schools as much as it happens in trains. The CEO of a company
goes through it and so does our house help. Age, gender, race, religion are no
binding factors when it comes to sexual predators.
Above all it
definitely is not a ticket to gain those 15 seconds of fame. There is rarely
any personal gain involved. No one wants to relieve and narrate their horrific experience
over and over again. It takes a lot of courage and gumption to come out with
one’s story. One is at the risk of being threatened, doubted and even have their
own character slandered.
The MeToo
movement is in its basic form about calling out the perpetrators of abuse. It
has brought to the forefront that abuse happens and we can no longer overlook
them as small incidents and brush them under the carpet. It is a caveat for the offenders and for those who have supported the
offender by not taking immediate action. It is a warning for sexual predators to take
note that the victims will no longer take things lying down and that they will
be heard!
