MeToo- What it is and what it is not

ME TOO- what it is and what it is not

In the wake of the MeToo movement, a whole lot of skeletons are tumbling out of the closet and one can sense that this big wave is not going to ebb any soon. At least I sure hope not. We all have our MeToo stories, some more ghastly than others. It took one voice to come out strong and speak up and the rest followed. It armed a lot of people, particularly women, with confidence to share their own stories and call out their perpetrators.

While the movement continues to gain momentum, there still persists a sense of frivolity with which many of us seem to be reacting. There are a plethora of jokes and statements doing its rounds on social media. One of the most appalling and insensitive one I read was where the writer seemed to imply that MeToo stories were nothing but ‘sob stories’ from weak women.

Another reaction to the movement seems to be the apprehension about false allegations. We are rallying more for a small percentage of accusations that may be false as against those that are accurate. Furthermore, the ‘accused’ seem to draw a lot more sympathy. People seem most concerned about the humiliation and disgrace, the accused and their family will suffer. Somehow the victims do not have the benefit of the same standing. Their motives are questioned and people are quick to cast aspersion on them. One of the primary reasons why many choose to stay anonymous while lodging a complaint. 

Many MeToo stories are dismissed as not being ‘legit’ enough. It seems to imply that stories have to be more gruesome to qualify.  ‘It is not bad unless it is rape.’ This probably emerges from our regressive mindset that the highest form of disgrace to anyone is rape. Passing lewd comments, sending obscene pictures, touching inappropriately all evoke the same anger and chagrin. 

To all the detractors of the MeToo movement a little insight in to what it is not.

One of the foremost ideas that seem to be circulating around is that it is a gender war, probably one of the main reasons for the sickening jokes and memes. The movement does not aim at generalizing that all the men as sexual predators or labeling their gender as the worse one. This is far from the truth. As a woman and as someone who experienced her share of butt pinching and groping and unsolicited comments, I acknowledge and highly appreciate the number of men who stand up for women and respect them and view them as equals.  I am also clearly aware that boys and men also are subjected to harassment in the hands of other men and women.

It is not about maligning names of popular personalities or people in power.  Sexual harassment doesn’t take place only in certain professions. The bitter truth of the fact is that it happens everywhere. It happens in schools as much as it happens in trains. The CEO of a company goes through it and so does our house help. Age, gender, race, religion are no binding factors when it comes to sexual predators.

Above all it definitely is not a ticket to gain those 15 seconds of fame. There is rarely any personal gain involved. No one wants to relieve and narrate their horrific experience over and over again. It takes a lot of courage and gumption to come out with one’s story. One is at the risk of being threatened, doubted and even have their own character slandered. 

The MeToo movement is in its basic form about calling out the perpetrators of abuse. It has brought to the forefront that abuse happens and we can no longer overlook them as small incidents and brush them under the carpet.  It is a caveat for the offenders and for those who have supported the offender by not taking immediate action. It is a warning for sexual predators to take note that the victims will no longer take things lying down and that they will be heard!

Note to Self: You do not have green thumbs but don’t give up.

“The love of gardening is a seed once sown never dies” – Gertrude Jekyll

Dear Self,

“The love of gardening is a seed once sown never dies” – Gertrude Jekyll

Ms. Jeklly was blessed with green thumbs! How else could she have created so many gardens that dot the British landscape? Ms. Jekyll never had the pleasure of meeting you.  For in you she would have found an opposite. You don’t have just brown thumbs; in fact all your fingers are brown!!

The most common plant, money plant is also called the Devil’s vine because it is almost impossible to kill and grows well even without sunlight. Well that plant finally met its match in you. Remember the first time you decided to plant? Your mother suggested the money plant since it was easy to grow and all one would need was water. Recollect how that turned out? Sufficient to say there’s nothing more to write about it here.  Was it over watering or too much sunlight? You really cannot put your (brown) thumb on it, can you? Several other attempts at growing any other plant were also met with a similar fate. You invested in gardening books, soil manure, pesticides but the vegetation just did not get the green!

You had to reluctantly acknowledge that your plans to own an enviable garden were weeded out. You are like the death eater of plants. So you let others do the gardening and sit back and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

But every now and then a seed sows itself in the brain and says you shouldn’t give up. Maybe you should listen to it, plant it and let it sprout!!! Don’t give up!

Note of appreciation

This is a note of appreciation for my son, Darsh. The little man who has all of my heart!! He is all of 6 years old, yet sensitive and insightful. He loves to spin little stories and goes to great lengths to convince me that they are real.  Addicted to dinosaurs and dragons, his recent knowledge of one of them being extinct and the other being a fantasy has left him a little heart-broken.

 The last couple of years have been a little tough on the youngster, since both my husband and I were busy and away from home most of the time. Our social commitments were many and there were often occasions where we could not take him along. Although he was never left alone and was always under supervised care, I always felt guilty leaving him behind. He probably felt saddened but he always said good bye with a smile (I think he secretly enjoyed our absence as he wouldn’t have to worry about my constant scrutiny of everything he did). He waited up till we got back home and welcomed us home with a ‘so glad you’re back’ hug! Not once did he throw a tantrum or complain or has had either of his parents called back from a function or a party.

The poor lad also bore the brunt of my irritation and agitation with the rest of the world. And what did he give me in return? Unconditional love. Even if he had just been yelled at before bed time, it was me he wanted to cuddle with before falling asleep. I was always absolved instantly.

Dear Darsh,

This is my gratitude and appreciation for your patience and all the maturity you have shown and continue to show well beyond your age and for the big heart that you have!

PS: For your sake, I do hope dinosaurs (only dinosaurs, no dragons) return, except maybe not that gigantic and ferocious!

This is a blog post for one of the challenges for the 30 days of challenge!